happiness depends on ourselves

happiness depends on ourselves
happiness depends on ourselves
happiness depends on ourselves
happiness depends on ourselves

i will say this as many times as i need to untill it becomes real :)

i'm getting rid of the cobwebs in my life, sweeping the floors and emptying my attic.

i will pass the L test. I will apply for jobs. i will write the most fucking awesome paper in the entire world and i will paint my face my walls the bottoms of my feet untill i am all the colours of gasoline rainbows technicolour dreamcoats refugee eyes the grand canyon wrapped around my wrists

i am inspired

even though i've been happier, im feeling alive. those intangible tinglings of AHA! there is a purpose.

I painted a canvas that i like
im writing music again for the first time in a long time
im writing things that are truthful and ugly and beautiful, spiderweb wonderful words
im going to get off the awful medications that make me tie myself up in knots when no one's looking
who gives a fuck if im boobless and underweight again
i know theres someone out there who loves me and doesnt give a fuck

which is the best feeling in the entire world

thankyou universe

I am inconceivably lucky

even though i sometimes accidentally light my hair on fire