I'm starting to think i'm never going to go home


ah school, leave me alone.

Life is insanity right now.

Its been failing L tests, running down library aisles, staying at school so late that the sky is black cat wonderful and you can sometimes see your breath when you step into the light. The leaves sound like static, lost radio stations underneath your feet and i am writing papers, taking notes, reading, avoiding sleep, trying to remember where my creativity went. the dust and the walls and the endless piles of books feel suffocating. i want paint and fresh flowers and photographs of my best friends and beautiful strangers with red umbrellas and perfect posture

it still feels empty

but i appreciate the insanity

it distracts me from the stagnation i feel at school

i think i need to be doing a hundred things at once to feel the tiniest bit purposeful

missing busses watching boats on fire i am manic but happy and its raining and theres sparrows around our feet, wings bent and crooked. Their eyes are spun out of copper wires. i swear. really i think they are

and i waltz in way too late and tired and the walls are swallowing me, i sometimes have to remember that they aren't mine

but i think it was worth it

bus rides and coffee cups and faces i cant forget. my ears are still ringing from your voice

staralfur

someone better pay me to write shit and travel and watch bands play music

if they dont im going to fucking reap anarchy and madness and everyone will be all AH PSYCHOTIC CRAZY WOMAN! and then when i write my completely fabricated memoir all of north america will buy it and ill be on the new york times booklist

because people are fucking retards like that

they love dissent, they love madness, they love to think WOW SHES FUCKING CRAZY im so glad to be me etc.etc

people think in etcs

no actually

people live in etcs

its really tragic if you think about it

AH IM HUNGRY

i think i if i consume anymore chocolate i run the risk of vomming unapologetically over the shit im writing for creative writing

im writing about sarajevo and andalusian gypsies and forest fires and the bible

it sounds exciting

unfortunately it isnt really

fucking chocolate. i need to learn when to say when.

sooo mostly i love me some buffy the vampire slayer, pizza, sleeping in, lurking blogs, sunshine, sigur ros, researching obscure topics, sitting on floors, kissing, meandering. remembering AHA! I DO HAVE FRIENDS! i just need to put the effort in to see them, the fucking road sense is for retards book, sweaters with gold buttons, paint, knitwear, video wall posts, shitmydadsays, the wtf blanket, coffee, mcdonalds, chocolate (love/hate), the time travellers wife, seperating laundry, full moons, orange skies, yayahurray i leave on thursdays

and yeah

i think im remembering how to make myself happy

after a summer of so much insanity tequila travelling never sleeping and everything else

you forget how to stand still sometimes

AHHH! matt good and regina spektor and halloween and princess leia and christmas and new years and im so fucking excited to be alive

love

so just follow the leader

but what if there's no one in front of you and you can see for miles behind you?

it's hard to not turn around, thats what.

i wish i could wear your skin

hottest, most wonderful women in the world

aka im procrastinating