spin me around again

we talk too fast u cant write words the way i want to anymore. lifes all imogen heap and repainting walls i am mummified in paint chips facing east. dont forget me. i wont forget the way your name feels in my mouth before i flick my tongue and set it free i wont forget how to sing or say more without saying anything. the ground feels empty under my feet sometimes

i lose my mind in the bus sometimes, throw it out the window to swim through the gutter and maybe smother itself in kelp and saltwater. could you keep me? i don't always last as long as id like to

i like the bliss of not knowing

soon i will be alive and i can paint paint paint untill i forget how to stop i will be limitless. i can run feet colliding with ground kicking up tornadoes. i can fall i can

unlock the door

stumble into crumbling sidewalks fucking words flying faster than missiles and paper airplanes and yellow birds that you've been waiting for. would you wait for me? what if i paint my skin, grow wings, what if i am feathered and fleeting and flying away? maybe then. count the3 seconds till i see your face and the walls are empty there are no footsteps here we dont touch the ground we float we dont need legs to stand on

did i mention that i found the garden of eden the other day? its painted on my back in every colour imagineable every scrap of the rainbow as seen is fishscales and diamond rings did i mention that i carry it with me everywhere. ive taken to mirror writing. ive taken to breathing you in inhaling you like hallucinogens fuck you and your false realities i want to kiss you unconscious reeling and dreaming well go to sleep in a storm and well wake up miles away time will fall in the gaps between the bars well never see her again. does that hurt you? are you sad? say something please

i ramble on for a million miles

you cant say anything to change my mind you know

i hope you know that

you have perfect diction and you dont forget your commas and i forget my mind sometimes its swimming the gutters with the stingrays and the killer whales that rot beneath your feet

get my name stitched on your lips

sometimes i wonder why i straighten my hair when all these little broken strands spiral in the tornado above the drain. i dont really know. huh.

i tie myself in knots sometimes to keep myself occupied, cross and uncross my fingers. i am reading the classics. i am not going to sleep on time and sometimes not at any time at all. i am struggling through this weird drought, this lapse in creativity and i am smiling through most of it now, not that i was at the beginning. and there are those few unfortunates who always collide with me on bad days and would probably beg to differ. i love life behind a camera lens. it makes the walls look more surmountable. i like lying in your room with no lights listening to iron and wine b-sides and crying because i am so fucking unbelievingly overwhelmingly

happy

i am happy in my skin.

we slept on floors and beaches, orange leaves and sand under our skin, and the stars hung so low they skimmed our heads. im not always remembering not always noticing sometimes losing my mind a little. we tried to hold onto it, that something thats not always tangible and lately difficult to ever wrap my hands around. we shook hands smiled free loaded at outdoor concerts lurked record shops, i stuck some commas and periods and punctuations in my thoughts. we whale watched and wondered

and lately i am thinking about joy division and keep on your mean side and i loved you more

sweet you rock and sweet you roll

hike up your skirt a little more
and show the world to me
i'm bareboned and crazy
for you

we are going somewhere dont disagree (aka laura mars i want your old oxfords)

things i like

john butler trio <3 cutting your hair off <3 falling asleep in someone's arms <3 the fact that i plan on unapologetically dropping out of university and i dont feel the slightest bit bad about it <3 upcoming roadtrips <3 waking up to see the sunrise and THE pinkwinged seagulls sinking into the cloud constellations <3 eating grapes straight off of the vine <3 slurpees and free starbucks because wonderful people DO exist they just sometimes mostly slip between the cracks <3 friends you forgot you had <3 the salvation army <3 my photograpraphs that help me remember where ive been and whos travelled there with me <3 finding exactly where you're meant to be because any time spent anywhere else is time supremely wasted <3

aaaaannnddd

this quote i found on someone else's blog

i think its beautiful

autumn calls for reinvention, a change of scenery. don’t hold back. cut your hair, tell her you love her, tell him you’re leaving, start a band, leave your job, switch your major, do what makes you feel good. the choices you make now will pave the way for the rest of your life. does that always have to be a negative thing? no no no no no no!!! don’t be frightened, things will work out. throw your heart into it & hold your chin up high. we’re going to make a beautiful future. this is the start of something remarkable. (you are remarkable)

peaches and cream

right now at this very second i am listening to dave matthews and i am wondering about the world

university is not what i expected. i dont sit around tables having deep philosophical conversations and drinking too much wine, shaking hands kissing boys forgetting names remembering faces and the curves of wrists and head tilt laughing untill it's tomorrow. this is what i wanted, this is what i expected. this is not what happens.

what happens is i read the classics on bus rides where i guess everyone's astrological signs. she's biting her lip like a scorpio hes crying like a cancer. i breathe in everyone's smells, perfume and skin and sweat and that soap and water smell of real boys. I get to school. i walk to psychology with a girl who loves tim burton and the sky at night. i go to art history and sit next to this boy who makes me laugh and sometimes buys me coffee. i go to philosophy with and sit with a boy who has a british accent and a one syllable name. i sleep in the lime green armchair in my dad's office, frighten the math department with cowboy boots and floral dresses. i sometimes eat lunch with the pidgeon or with friends and then i come home and lie on your floor

its not standingbehindwaterfallwonderful.

not even close

but apparently it's real life

i like what i'm learning.

normalcy just kills my passion. and i cant stay at home anymore i cant stand the walls

If The Elephants Have Past Lives

pretty girls with pretty mouths float above the concrete and i stomp the sidewalk, shoes duct taped to my feet, pale skinned and not knowing where to be. it's disconcerting and everything feels foreign and usually i just want to go home

homehomehome

you know, between the purple sheets or maybe inside your hands or maybe in the paint and the photographs and the words wrapped around my wrists (words like iloveyoupleasebelieveme. and idonthinkiwantobehere.)

i want to be in art school if i have to be in any school but mostly i just want to be where i was in the summer, with flowers in my hair drinking till i'm delerious and falling asleep next to you or on best friends floors. i want to be in busses in backseats of cars sitting behind waterfalls watching the sun set and rise over oceans skinny dipping under full moons sleeping naked painting all the ways you make me feel and synchronizing thoughts to the sound of Cut the Cards

cut the cards makes me cry

but its your song. so i pretend that i dont feel anything because i dont want to take that away from you

i want to build tiny houses with my hands, all rambling with shingles that dont match. i want weathered walls and anonymity and hopping trains and i want to leave purposeful footprints behind me when i walk to anywhereeverywherenowhere

please god let this happen

i miss santeria

i feel like i'm doing what i'm expected to do, get a good education so i can go get a good job and live inside those trivialised overused four letters that mean nothing

i don't feel happy

i'm lonely

OH MY

i have been an absentee blogger

this is going to change

tomorrow

i swear

like legitly

cross my heart and everything

ps hi karly!