the hazards of love

we ate free dunkaroos on the bus and i read lips and you laughed at my face all twisted

and "hey i just realized we're not where we're supposed to be. did you know that?" it was the strangest feeling. lying in your own skin, your own fucking bedsheets, next to someone you love but feeling like you needed to be on canvas, on paper, written up in music notes or braille and not there.

today a dirty man with no teeth gave me artificial flowers and i watched a boy i used to love fall in love with someone who's eyes are the same colour as mine. i met homesick teenagers from a million miles away and watched the decemberists flail across the stage next to best friends and no ones and everyone else that was (entirely or otherwise) there. i blew bubbles and danced and felt alive.

i need to remember to feel that always.

i sipped slurpies and walked long distances in gladiators and cowboy boots and i love waking up next to you it makes me head reel. we found free books and i read to you untill you made me stop because you just wanted to breathe in the smell of my hair and my elbows and i just wanted to watch you smile.

i hope everyone's okay.

my best friend is eternally unimpressed with me for drinking tequila and listening to jimi hendrix at 4 am while sitting on lawns and kitchen floors. i want to say hey we say everything in the moments where we say nothing and when we speak, we speak in volumes. 

and free crepes with moms and eternal sunshine of a spotless mind and resurrected canvases and best friends falling apart after she read her tea leaves and crows lying on my roof and ghosts walking in empty hallways.

theres too many words in me. my fingers are wearing out